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Making Anger Your Ally

Doctor Says Too Many Women Deny Anger, Fall Back On Other Behaviors

POSTED: 5:20 p.m. CDT August 21, 2003
UPDATED: 9:06 a.m. CDT September 3, 2003

Anger can be a dangerous emotion. Psychologists claim that pent up anger can cause depression as well as physical ailments, like headaches, stomach problems, and decreased sexual satisfaction. NBC 5's Deborah Ferguson explains the advantages of making anger your ally.

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FeedRoom

Lea Marlin was angry with her son, but calmly got her point across.

Anger can be a confusing emotion.

"Usually I do raise my voice when I am angry," Marlin said.

Marlin used to blow up. She'd unleash pent up frustration at her husband, kids, and friends, but her anger didn't resolve anything.

"There's not a real understanding of how positive anger can be in women's lives," Texas Woman's University Psychology Professor Dr. Sally Stabb said.

Stabb, author of a book called "The Anger Advantage," helps women understand the power of anger and express it.

"The message of this book is that not only is anger natural but it's healthy, it's adaptive, it's there for a reason, and you need to listen to it because it's got something to say to you," Stabb said.

Stabb is convinced too many women deny their anger and fall back on other behaviors -- such as eating, working or isolating themselves -- to avoid confrontation.

"Women who silence themselves, who suppress their anger, who don't speak their mind day in and day out and always put other people first at the expense of themselves, a lot of those women end up depressed or unhappy at some level, and we also see some physical symptoms that are linked with suppressed anger," Stabb said.

Stabb says women who suppress their anger are cheating themselves.

"It communicates a huge amount of information for us in a very short amount of time and it serves that function of communicating us, motivating us and alerting us to changes that need to happen," Stabb said.

Thanks to Stabb's advice, Marlin no longer suppresses her anger. She communicates her frustrations as they arise, and as a result, she doesn't explode as often or as easily.

"With this book I've learned to step back for a moment, take a deep breath," Marlin said.

The new Lea Marlin is happier and enjoys better relationships with her family and friends.

Contact Dr. Stabb at sallystabb@msn.com.

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